Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
