Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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