He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
