I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
