I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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