I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
