mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
