I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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