i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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