I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
