Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
