It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
