you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
