uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
