im six kinds of drunk right now
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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