i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
its liver damage thursday
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
