Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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