The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
