Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
