I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
