Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
