Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
