I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
