First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I faked an abortion last night.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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