just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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