garbage
garbage dick
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you win
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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