Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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