Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
