They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
