oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
