Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
third nipple confirmed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
