WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
