Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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