We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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