I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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