Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
