sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
