It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You made out with two different species that night
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
