Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
