Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I lost the right to judge tonight
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
