you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
