chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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