Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
