Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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