Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
