i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
