my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
