Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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