I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
