so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is my gift to your gina
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
