I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
