she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
