i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
