You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
